Way to tired

As the title states I am all of a sudden tired. It just kinda hit so I am getting this out of the way so I can pass out!

The last couple of days have been really good for Master and I. We have had a couple of really good, long, and serious conversations. Mostly about us and this lifestyle. We talked about how I am playing it safe in scenes and how He is playing it safe everywhere else. I always end up using my safe word long before I know I have to use it. Maybe like Master said, it’s just me staying within my safe zone. I am always afraid to take it one step further or five/six good swats past my comfort zone incase I don’t like it. Once there I can’t go back. Master will never allow that, but instead will push me even farther to take eight/nine extra swats. He is always testing my boundaries seeing if the ones in place are torn down and where the new ones are at. I have never had a problem sticking to the decisions I have made in any aspect of my life, this is no different. My problem has always been getting there. And that is what my problem is now. I am so afraid to open myself up to the point that I have to be in order to give Master the submission He demands at times. When I am in that state of mind there is no hiding things from anyone including myself. I’m going to have to work on that in order to get to the next level in our relationship.
Master is more or less playing it safe in the mundane aspect of our life. He doesn’t like to punish or treat me like a personal fuck-toy that I am. I think after our talk He understands that sometimes Him doing all of that is actually helping me instead of hurting me and my views of myself. He doesn’t want me to believe Him when He calls me a “slutty little cock-sucker who is only here for Him…”. I would never think of myself as worthless now that I have found Master. He has proved to me just how valuable and needed I actually am. And I have told Him that very thing a couple of times.

From what I can tell from the last few days… Things are lookin up! I could not be happier. I am even getting my flirty side back with Master. I have felt giddy, happy, content, sexy and loved more in the last week then I have any other time. Sometimes a relationship is just perfect. Times where everything clicks together smoothly and both parties are on the same wave length that there is no real communication needed to relay their needs to one another.. That is how it has been this week. I am holding on to all of those feelings as hard as I can for as long as I can.

Sometimes things seem to good to be true and this is one of them. But heres hoping!

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