Last night I went to bed hurt. He wouldn’t say two words to me. Master of course stayed up until only god knows when. He has been doing that a lot. I guess he doesn’t like falling asleep with me anymore. Yes, it hurts to know that my own Master wont speak to me much less look at me. Now he won’t even fall asleep with me. He has been staying up to play Age of Empires and go online. Ever since the disaster of the hotel in Rochell I haven’t trusted him even a little with or anything else that might have temptations. I have a hard time sleeping when I know we have a good connection and he could very well be acting like a moron again. Plus even when I am mad at him, I still like to feel him next to me when I fall asleep. I’m actually starting to miss that…

I woke up this morning from a horrid nightmare. One of the worst I have had in a long time.. In the nightmare Master took us to some couples house that I had never met. As soon as I walked into their house I was uncomfortable. They had bondage things out like I do when there is a scene expected. Master told me to go change and handed me a harness. I said I didn’t want to do this but he told me, “Bitches don’t have a say go change.”. It proceeded to being tied up and blindfolded on the floor the same way she was. The men took pictures and later Master forced me to post them. But I didn’t know who did the touching and who was recieving what… Until my blindfold was removed. And the man that I didn’t know had been fucking me and slapping me around. While Master was pounding into the other girl. I instantly vomited and felt cheep and cheated-on. Basically Master cheated on me in the same room that I was being raped.

I have never had dreams like this. The bad ones are usually of people getting hurt or dying. But never rape and being cheated on. I don’t know how to process this. My heart tells me that Master would never want to have a double scene but my head says other wise. He has already talked to Sir C about that very thing only I wouldn’t be touched by anyone other then Master. And he has also talked about another girl. He is always talking about adding another girl. And after the little cunt that Master had collared and was going to collar in RL I in no way want that. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. Never in a million years. But really who’s choice is it ultimately? He likes to fuck. Maybe he will just get another girl in spite of everything. Who knows.

Right now I just want to bury my head in the sand and dissapear for a long time. I don’t even care right now about talking or not talking with Master. I just want to go away. Somewhere I can’t be hurt anymore…

(Photo-credit: Maggewhite on photobucket)

  1. Captivating!

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: