Nothing left..

This morning I woke up before Master, as you all know. Being the dutiful slave, even if I am mad and hurt, I asked him how he slept. All he said was, “Like shit.” then turned on the radio. For those of you that don’t know my Master, when he turns on the radio it’s my sign that he doesn’t want to talk. So I stay quiet until directed otherwise… usually.

After the nightmare I had I wasn’t in the mood to just sit there and listen to some crack-pot on a talk show. So I came back here to lay down and said, “At least I tried to make conversation.” which got me another yelling. That then progressed to Master screaming at me about how I don’t know anything about what stress does to the body or I would be more understanding. I then told him that just because I wear the stupid collar doesn’t give him the right or priviledge to yell at me like that. He thinks that just because he is the “Dom” it means his shit don’t stink. Well lemme tell ya. It stinks just like everyone elses!

Since he decided to take W and R’s offer on the new job and place, he has been a total dick. I get that he is stressed. But it’s like now that a house is in the picture he is lashing out at me more and more to get me to leave. Like he doesn’t want the added responsibility. Sometimes I think he does this to drive me away. But then other times he is the man I fell in love with. This split-personality crud has to end.

It’s gotten so bad that he doesn’t read my journal. Which is why I started the damn thing in the first place. He has always had a hard time relating to my thought process because it’s so slow when I have to figure things out. But when it is all written out for him he understands better. I have been doing my paper slave journal for the duration of our relationship, including online, so almost two years. Yet now he wont even read it. I think the last time he even looked at it was over a month maybe two. And forget about him reading this blog. He couldn’t tell you what I wrote three months ago to save his life. I tell him that I have written a new post and that it is a good one (There all good in my opinion) and he should read it. He says yeah but never does. Don’t tell me your going to do something then never do it. That’s just as bad as a lie.

I looked for a load coming out of Tennessee like he asked and when I put it on the dashboard (because hes driving) he threw it back here and said, “Fuck a load, we will just sit in Tennessee!”. Yeah that made me feel apreciated all right. So I told him not to ask me for a load again. I refuse to do the work when he won’t even give it the time of day because I’m the one that did it.

You would think that the treatment this morning after last night would have sent me to tears. But it didn’t. I have none left to shed for him. I woke up this morning hoping things would be better. But they wern’t. It seems they just got worse. So much so that I have taken my collar off until he goes back to normal.. IF he goes back to normal.

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