Another day ruined.

I sure know how to call them don’t I? Guess what happened today while I was in the shower? I started my period. So I am now smooth for nothing! I am absolutely livid right now. I am so sick of being told something is going to happen then it doesn’t. All because it’s not spontaneous enough for him. Well, sorry me warning you about my period isn’t spontaneous enough. That man is so obsessed with that shit we hardly have sex anymore. Like I said the other day, unless you count me playing with myself of course. And he has the audacity to yell at me?! I don’t even want to be near him right now. I sure as hell don’t want to sleep with him either. And it’s not just because of the no sex. I haven’t had the emotional connection that comes with a scene in a really long time. But to him it’s just about the sex. Or so I have been told. Also how he is “sorry” about inconveniencing my pussy. Yeah, things like that make me feel real good. I want to feel one with my Master. Maybe even more submissive then I have in a while. But he gets sarcastic and is “sorry” about inconveniencing my pussy. That’s just wonderful. I don’t know why I bother anymore. I mean if he isn’t going to try why should I?

For some reason it’s all my fault to. Just ask him. The reason we didn’t “Fuck” (his words) is because of all the stress and him not being in control at all this last month or so. And because of me warning him. What I get out of that is… Scenes to him is just a good rough fuck. Nothing special that takes an actual connection. That he wants to stay at this dead-end job and I’m Forcing him to quit. If it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t even think about this new job or moving to south Texas. Oh, and don’t forget the ultimate jab. He also threw loosing his daughter in my face. Yeah… Ouch. So because I want to feel financially stable he is loosing his control, his job and his sense of purpose. That makes me feel like a pile of shit.

I am sitting here crying and writing this out and he is up there doing god knows what. Quite frankly I really don’t give a crap. All I want to do is curl up into a little ball and weep. This whole time I thought that scenes ment something more than a good lay to him. That while doing all of those things for him, I was giving him something special. That he felt the same way I did. I have been firmly put in my place on that. I’ll be sure not to make the same mistake again.

I gotta go…

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