For a while now as you know I have been feeling really insubordinate towards anything Master wants from/for me. I have all but lost the mentality that is needed to be his slave. When he puts his foot down, instead of go along with what he wants, I just push through and do my own thing. I know it’s wrong when I’m doing it but for some reason I just don’t care. I have gone so long without any form of correction or discipline from Master that when he tries now I just laugh… inwardly of course. I’m not stupid, just unchecked. I have been running wild and free with no rules or regulations. Now that he is wanting to put the hammer down, I’m not sure if I can do it. What if I can’t get that mentality back? Is that possible?

Master and I talked about this very thing a couple of nights ago. I told him everything that I am feeling. All he really told me is that once we get a house things will change. He always says that. I don’t think he got the gravity of the situation. I mean yeah having a house will make the slave duties more in number and complexity. Also we will actually have the room to set up a kennel, slave area and play area. I’m also thinking about talking to Master about maybe starting something new for in the mornings since the steps might not work outside of the truck. Especially if he is working the night shift. I’m not sure how it would work since he won’t be there to witness it so he knows I did it. I might have to document it somehow. We will see how it works out, IF it works out. It will definitely force me into the head space that I need in order to live this life.

Because of all the infinite possibilities of what could happen I am becoming excited about this move even more then I was when Master decided on it. On the other hand I am also nervous about it. The unknown sometimes scares me more then it excites me. This scinario is one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited and relieved to be out of the truck. It’s just the unknown possibilities of this lifestyle that scares me. What will happen? Where will our relationship go? Am I going to have to struggle with blending in with vanilla society and the kink society at the same time? Or will our home be a vanilla free zone where I am expected to act accordingly 24/7? Grr questions!

Right now I have clothes-pins on my nipples and they are really starting to burn. Every little bump in the road sends a painful sensation right through them. I want to take them off, but I don’t. The pain is delicious in a way. I haven’t been given the privileged of having any kind of clamps placed on my nipples in a really long time. It’s a love hate relationship that any girl who likes her nipples tweaked, pinched or twisted knows. 🙂 My pussy lips are so drenched right now. I’m getting sidetracked here. Oppsies.

I brought up the new tradition to Master for his birthdays and he really liked the idea. A few days ago I had the idea to do birthday spankings with a twist. For Masters birthday I would get his spankings with any implement of my destruction he wishes. The number of lashings/spankings would coincide with the number of years he is. He was really hessitant because it’s going to be a very large number. I haven’t been conditioned for that much spankings in one sitting or even one day. Which is the whole reason I brought it up. It’s going to hurt… Like a mother heifer. But I want to go through with this. I don’t want him to hold back like he sometimes does. I want the full affect of my Masters swats. After some thinking he agreed. So on the 12th my butt is going to be thoroughly abused. In a very yummy way. I’m really excited for it. I wish I had money to get Master a pressie, but I don’t. So this is my compensation in a way. We might have to do it early or late instead of actually on his birthday though. While we are living with W and R we are going to have to take advantage of when they are out of the house. Thankfully they like to go to the gaming house quite a lot. And my gag is going to have to be used a lot more often. We will actually have neighbors to worry about so my screams would be… Bad. Very very Bad!

(P.S- I’m sorry if this is a duplicate. I haven’t had an internet connection in a couple of weeks.. I still have bad internet so until things can be fixed, I will be doing copy-n-paste from my journal. I hope you understand and be patient with me.)

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