Difficult feelings arise

So far today has been quite horrid. Heck, this whole week sucked. For one, we were stuck in a hotel for most of it. The people were nice but we were constantly arguing. Ever since The Bitch did her “class act” we have traveled away from each other mentally and emotionally. I know He feels it or He wouldn’t ask if I loved Him more than usual. We were going forwards at a decent rate. Now however we are going backwards at an ever greater speed!

I feel like my favorite appendage was ripped off. And metaphorically it has. By some crazy circumstance she has (The Bitch) influenced the destruction of my submission and His Dominance! Our relationship has been thrown back on the back burner along with all the S/m, discipline (all bet non-existent) and play time. I figured this would happen eventually but not now, so soon after achieving the level we were suppose to be at a year ago. I knew when angel came home our dynamic would disappear or lessen. I wasn’t prepared for it to be so soon.

I wasn’t ready mentally/emotionally for the rip that caused in our unit. Or the feeling of disappointment, abandonment, and being let go in a sense. I don’t feel centered or attached to my budding submission. With out constant reminders, whether their hints or full-blown demands, I start to question my place. I get emotionally distant from Master without the full force of His control. I need things I was just starting to get and others I’m afraid to ask for.

At times like this I wish He was “The Other guy”. The one He hides away. When things go bad He inverts into Himself. He gets quiet and distant. So the polar opposite of myself. When outside issues conspire against me I need to vent my frustration through pain and strenuous activities. When things fall apart outside us (like now) I need one constant. I need us to not only stay the same but get even more intense!

I just don’t know if that’s possible with Him..

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