Scared

I have been in a funk all day. I can’t seem to do anything right. I accidentally double posted a comment. I hit “publish” to soon and Master wanted to comment. Needless to say the writer got rather snippy at a common mistake, so I won’t be reading the blog any longer. My little way of saying, “Fuck you pall!”

The more I evaluate why I’m like this the more upset I become. I know its only been 3 days, give or take, since Master said He would test me. I know change takes time. At least my head knows that. My heart however just knows nothing happened last night. And I’m scared. I don’t want how He treated me that day to stop. I need desperately what He started!

He has said things to this effect before and for a time things are always fantastic. I’m happy and content and I think He’s happy and content… And then He withdraws, then I’m left wanting/begging and unfulfilled.

I enjoyed the feeling of being exactly who/what I’m suppose to be. I was centered around my submission to my Master. I actually wanted to do what I was told in that moment. I wanted to be used in any way by Him. I would have willingly crawled outside if He asked it. And that scares me to, but I still want to feel that way again.. and again… and again… and again… and again!!

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