Last night my Owner claimed what’s His for His gratification; my body. In my head I understand that is basically my role in this dynamic but deep down I don’t like it.

I tend to invert into myself when He does this (Thank gosh He doesn’t do it often) until it’s over. I hide from the negative feelings that pop their ugly little heads up. Truth be told I’m also hiding from my Master. I have a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I am, complementary to my beliefs, a piece of His property. Although an important piece of property.

I enjoy talking about myself as such but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty… I don’t like the activities that make me that. Don’t get me wrong, I love being His slave, bitch and personal slut! I thrive when I am under His control and am more comfortable on the floor by His feet. As I write this I am sitting on the floor while He drives. I don’t mind doing the domestic duties (except making the bed!) because it centers me into my role as slave while it pleases Him.

I just can’t wrap my head around being sexually used as His personal cock sucker, cunt and piece of ass, even though that is a part of what I am. I can say the words and revel in my role when He says them. But the actions? Nuh-uh! I hide from them like a hypocrite.

Master told me, last night during the after-care, that I needed to accept my role as His property. Once I realized by accepting the fact that I not only pleased Him but also gave Him what He needed at the time, I fulfilled my role! He told me I shouldn’t hide from pleasing Him when He needs it most…

It makes sense and I want to be able to do exactly that. And I decided to let you in on the process! I want to succeed in pleasing my Master and molding myself to better please Him. There are a few areas that I need to work on. So, I’m creating a new category for this named Hurdles. In order to succeed I need to write about my thoughts and feelings during this road to a better me. If I ignore the feelings and problem areas I will fail. I know that about me, I have to analyze the situations and deal with them accordingly. And right now, where it counts, I can’t afford to fail!

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