Another problem area of mine is selfless service. I almost always have selfish thoughts raging war inside my head. You know, the “what can I get?” or “what’s in this for me?”… Ok so you might not but stick with me here!

I have probably only served my Master selflessly a hand full of times. Literally, I could count them on one hand. But for self-preservation, I’m not gonna! The times were in the beginning of our relationship.

I know for the last year or so I have become completely blind to the whole point of why we do what we do. Deep down I know it’s about Him and His needs first. Its much easier on paper to admit. Some times though it takes a complete stranger to point out the obvious!

Just because He isn’t using His “Dom” muscles at any given moment it doesn’t give me the right to stop serving Him. I still have to follow the rules. I still have to act as if He was actively pursuing the Domly ways. Even though He is less Domly than I would like, I still have to be the slave He demands.

It’s a very big hurdle of mine. Each time I offer to clean His boots or give Him a rub down (the non-dirty kind, you pervs!) I’m getting better. I just have to constantly guard myself. If I catch myself slipping I must remind myself: I am His to do with as He pleases, it is not my right or privilege to complain or do selfishly. I am not His equal so I shouldn’t think or act like it! I am His slave.

Maybe thinking all of that will help me learn and stay focused.

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