Trust

Almost every blog you read, every information site and self-help books all mention one pinpoint in the foundation of a D/s or S/m dynamic that everything else balances on. Trust.

I couldn’t agree more!

Only issue is my foundation is cracked and has tons of problems. My whole like, albeit a short time, I could trust two people, Just two. Friends turned at the first hint of abnormally. My family put me down, abused me at the first sign of trouble. I was moved from home to home by the “adults” who “knew best”. Now the two I thought would be with me forever are gone.

My grandpa, who was the best man ever, passed away from cancer. He prolonged his life by 12+ years from the day his doctors said he had 6+ months left. Knowing that makes the loss… less horrible. I could tell him anything and no matter his own beliefs he would listen and help.

Then my twin brother just up and leaves for the man I call Our sperm donors father, a.k.a our paternal grandad. He wont respond to emails or IM’s. No one has his phone number. Scratch that. His flavor of the month, Fox probably does. When I found out she wasn’t who she said she was I stopped talking to her.

Any who. Let’s not get into that Bag O’worms.

So needless to say I’m a bit rusty on trusting people. I love my Master with a frenzy and passion I can’t/don’t want to control. I am just scared to let Him in that far. Over the years I have been working on it. It’s just not at the level I want. I trust Him to know when to stop while playing. I trust Him to make the right choices for our family. I just don’t trust Him to not cheat or leave me like everyone else.

I know that’s wharped. I can trust Him not to drown me or beat me raw, but I can’t trust Him to stay and not take away my reasons to better myself.

The test is when I’m not on the truck with Him. I will be left home while He works. I’m going to be scared He won’t come back but every time He does, I will trust Him that much more.

And that my fellow pervs and lurkers is why I must work on Trust right along with Acceptance and Selflessness. Which I will write more on later.

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