Anger

This one isn’t so much about submission, slavery or my Owner. Its something personal I need to work on.

Now some of you die-hard subs/slaves might be thinking “There’s no such thing as personal issues when your a slave. He owns you, even your issues.” On a very minute level I agree… If in your dynamic you don’t have personal needs, issues or me-time that’s fine. More power to ya!

I, however, think some things need to be dealt with internally before I carry/share the load to another person including my Owner. Maybe that’s not a very slave/submissive way to think and it could very well mean I’m a bad slave. *shrugs*

When I get angry I can’t control my actions or words. They just fall out. And when I’m so angry I can’t speak I hurt myself. I found physical pain ebbs the anger better than anything. I have to give myself pain because no one else will do it for me. I use to cut but now it’s just scratching until I bruise.

I know it’s not healthy and I shouldn’t do it but it’s the only thing that I have found that lessens the anger and doesn’t hurt anyone else.

With this job and the way it makes the priority shift over everything I get mad a lot. Mostly because our lifestyle is on the hold/pause. Its as if someone broke the pause button so its stuck.

Whoever broke the pause botton I am going after with a Hacksaw!

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