Posts Tagged ‘ control ’

The old fashioned way

I have been trying to write a story for a few days now. I have it in my head. I can see the words I want to write but I just can’t write fast enough! As you know, I’ve been writing every thing down by hand until we are in Corpus on hometime. And it’s very frustrating!

I pride myself in being an old-fashioned kind of girl. I love the old films, shows and even the photography. I like to think my marriage to Master will be like in the ’50s. Our ideals in roles for the male and female populations are also decidedly old-fashioned. Every once in a while I get a stray hair up the butt and write a letter to my mother instead of an email.

However, the one thing I love in this new age is computers! This post would have been sent off as published by now and I would be so much farther into my story than I am. I write hard with my pen so my hand cramps up quickly but I love to write.

Writing centers my mind. Its way better than meditation in the sense I am reliving my day, emotions and actions. I get analyze things without people bugging me. So I can’t stop writing because of no computers. I just have to suffer through and let the process do its magic.

In other news, I was reading a blog (I know shocking right?) concerning a fellow slave who realized she had the anti-domming virus; She called it something else but you get the idea. Unfortunately her post made me open my eyes to my own attitude.

I’ve always been under the impression that it was mainly Master’s fault for not controlling me. I thought because He never tried and I did, that my slate was wiped clean.

As it turns out my constant complaining, nagging and what-have-yous weren’t helping Him get in the mindset. Neither was my fighting Him with tooth and nail when He did try. I chalked it up to self preservation instead of self-destruction. I actually believed I was protecting my fragile heart by not letting Him control the bits He tried to do, because He would give up and stop instead of breaking through.

Can’t say as I blame Him now. Who wants to do something with a person that makes it all but impossible?! I have been a blind fool. Instead of accepting with gratitude what I was given, I complained about what I wasn’t getting… And blamed Him!

I should be the one getting yelled at.

A couple of days ago, I was given the idea to put the words “represent Him” on my phone as a banner or reminder. No matter what else I may be I am His slave. Just because I’m in a bad mood or angry at Him it doesn’t give me the ok to disrespect Him.

I know its going to be hard. But I need to change my way of thinking or acting. I have to represent Him in the way I see Him. I want us to be the couple that other kinky souls instantly know who/what we are by a glance!

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Surrender: Day 4-5

How could her life be so altered in just a few days? How long will this continue, until she had nothing left? These questions plagued her. She didn’t know how long she had been here. All she knew was that she wasn’t the girl that was taken and brought here…

She didn’t know what to do or how to act after what she caused Tanya to endure. “I hope she will forgive me.” she whispered. Her spirit was shredded into little pieces. Her thoughts kept wandering back to Him. She actually wanted Him to show up and use her. Maybe if she was exhausted or surfing on the pain she could cope better.

Over the course of the day her feelings for Him became so overwhelming she broke down into sobs a couple of times, due to the ache of His absence caused her.. She really was His!

Panic grabbed at her when her breakfast and dinner were brought to her then taken away with no sign of His returning to her. How could she survive with out His visits?? What was she to do. Tears welled up at the thought of her Sir never returning. Did she do something wrong again that she didn’t know about? Was this a test to see her response of being ignored? Impossible, she thought as she started to pace the length of the room. He wasn’t going to show up today…

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Surrender: Day 5

Stiff muscles cramp up waking seven where she collapsed the day before. The cold concrete made her shiver and goosebumps crawl up her spine. Stumbling to the bed, she curls into a ball as silent sobs wrack her body… He never showed up. Her heart wept for His touch, His smell and warmth. Why didn’t He come?

Quietly he slipped into the chamber and found her sobbing. “Well, this is progress. She’s ready for the next step.” he thought as he crossed to her and scooped her up into his arms. A gasp comes to his ears as she snuggles into his warmth. “Yes, she’s ready.”

Tears of a new kind started to fall, soaking His shirt. He came! Her Sir still wanted her! Sorrow was replaced with such pure joy she thought she might explode. She hugged Him as tight as she could, breathing in the scent of Him. “I missed you Sir!” she told Him carefully avoiding His eyes.

“That’s good. It means your becoming mine more fully every day.” his voice was a balm to her frayed spirit. “I have something for you, but to get it you have to kneel in front of me.”

Reluctantly she slipped from His lap and knelt in front of Him, eyes watching Him eagerly. “What is it Sir?” She was all but bouncing out of her skin in excitement. He lifted the leather collar out of His pocket and handed it to her. It was smooth to the touch and had a bit of weight to it. There was a silver O-ring in the front and a small padlock in the back. What made her uneasy were the words ‘slut‘ written on it. She looked up at Him with curiosity and uncertainty, “What’s that for Sir?”

“It’s one of my markings designed to show what you are. And who you belong to. The others will be done soon.” he took it from her, unlocked it and secured it around her slender neck. “Are you ready for the other mark you get today?”

Gulping at the sudden nerves she nods her head. She was glad He wanted the world to know she was His but she didn’t like knowing what she was too.

“Turn around.” He commands as he pulls the blindfold and cuffs from his pocket. The swatch of fabric is tied firmly so she can’t see. Moving in front of her he clasps her wrists in the cold metal cuffs. Grabbing her arm, he tows her out of the chamber and down the hall into  a different room. He lifts her onto a gurney and straps her down.

The blindfold comes off. She squints at the sudden light until her eyes adjust. She sees two other people in this new room. Her nakedness turning into vulnerability. Her eyes dart to Him as He talks to them in a low voice then stands back and says, “These gents are to pierce your nipples. Try not to move.” He stands over her relishing in her panic. Nodding his approval as they mark her nipples, they had to be perfect. Once even and straight, they grab what looks like tweezers and clamp them onto each nipple painfully. Tears sting her eyes as the needles pierce her sensitive nubs at the same time. She crys out as they put the hoops in and wipe them with disinfectant. Pride swells up in his chest at her courage.

One of them men comes back towards her with a small torch. Her panic is plain in her eyes as she ties to struggle a plea for help rises to his ears. “Please, Sir, help me… Nononono what are you doing?”

“Stop wiggling Slut! I’m going to close the hoops perminately and if you wiggle even a little you’ll feel it on your tits!” the mans voice was gruff. Her heart was racing but she layed still. Perminate! As in never coming out. She wept with in fresh torrents.

The second man hands her Sir the bottle of disinfectant and says, “Make her clean them with this twice a day for three months or so. Try not to play with them until they heal.” He smiles and thanks them both. He looks her over triumphantly and kisses her forehead.

“You did very well girl. Wear them with pride!”

A sloppy smile touches her lips as she floats off into the current of pain…

Resolutions

Welcome to the New Year! Most people are lamenting on the past year. To me this wonderful day means last year is done. Now I must take all the good and bad memories into the future to shape this new and wonderful year! So in light of all of this, I am going to do my new year resolutions here, in my blog.

I tend to do a lot of things differently. To me you have to do your resolutions just so or you will fail. You have to be specific. You can’t just say you want to loose weight. It’s not specific enough and in my experience you’ll fail…

Instead, How much weight do you want to loose? Are you going to exercise, eat right or both? When are you going to put the exercise into your routine?

All of these are contributing factors that will lead to success if done right! So here they are Ladies and Gents!

  1. Once off the truck, I am going to (for starters) insert 20 push ups, 20 sit ups, 20 jumping jacks and 20 leg ups into my morning routine. After coffee of course! My goal is to loose 75 lbs throughout the year of 2011.
  2. While still on the truck, I am going to kneel next to my Master more while He drives. It will help establish my submission even when He is driving… Since He is always driving!
  3. Through small steps, I am going to change the way I view service. I want to broaden the sense of the word to include mundane house hold chores. Such as getting His Pepsi, cleaning His boots and rubbing His back.
  4. This one ties in with number 3 but like I said specific. I want to start giving Master a back massage, on my own with no command or order from Him, at least three times a week.
  5. I’m going to try to let Him be in control. I won’t fight or pull away when He grazes my nipples in public in a very public manner. After all I am His slut, to use as He sees fit. Not how I see fit.
  6. After my morning ritual (on the truck) is complete and we are going down the Highway, I am going to meditate for 20 minutes every morning… No exceptions! I’m hoping this will also help me with my submission/control problems in 2011.

Surrender: Day 3

Indignation flares up as she remembers what He told her on His last visit. Stripping her of everything familiar, even her name! Does that mean He has done this six times before with different women? Bile rises up into her throat at the sickening idea. All the evidence pointing in one direction, now that her eyes have been opened…

He wants her for a sex slave!

What was she dragged into? Who could condone such a thing? Shock clouds her mind at what she did the other night and the implications of her actions. Did she actually… submit to His demand?! What was she thinking? Her independence and rebelliousness nature boil over as all this becomes clear. “Well, I wont let that ever happen again!” she vowed to herself out loud.

No sooner than those venomous words left her lips the locks to her door started to click open. The deranged Man of her thoughts walks into the room with only a large bag of toys. Closing the door with a loud thud he turns to her. He notices the change in her instantly. Leaning on the door he waits for the questions to come, without much patience he prompts her, “Well get the questions out of your system!”

Her eyes lift to His impatient face. Her glare would have froze a lesser man, but it did nothing to Him. “I know what you want and you’ll never get it from me! I refuse to be a sick sick mans sex slave!!” her voice rose to a shriek by the end of her statement. He never budged from His spot.

“Aren’t you just a clever little morsel. But I have to disagree with that. You will learn to do exactly as your told when your told just like everyone else around here. You have no choice. Don’t test me, girl, you won’t like what you find.” his voice never wavered. His features exuding an unearthly calm and absolute control of his emotions.

Her reply startled Him out of His calm for a flicker of a second. “Fuck you!” her satisfaction at seeing Him rattled evaporated as He crossed to her so quickly it was too late to flee.

His hand tangles into her hair yanking her head back. Mere inches from her face he snarls, “Watch it girl! You have no idea what you’re doing.” She hisses in a breath through clenched teeth, then lets loose a snarl of her own and spits in his face. A howl of rage erupts from the pits of his soul. He let’s go of her and storms out of the room.

A smug smile of victory spreads over her lips at His retreat. Steadying herself she stands up and goes to sit on the bed. Her satisfaction is shortly lived as He rushes into the room and at her. He pushes her to the concrete wall with so much force the breath is knocked out of her in a whoosh! His once pleasant eyes contorted with pure rage.. Her heart races in true fear of Him. Her limbs are tied to hooks in the wall and floor by rough itchy rope. His roughness causes her to tremble in regret for angering Him. She ventures to say, “I’m… sorry…”

He grabs her chin hard exposing her slender neck. His teeth sink into the joint of her shoulder and neck with vicious power to draw small beads of blood successfully marking her. He steps back as the copper metallic taste of her blood touches his tongue. “Not yet, you’re not. See I know what gets you to repent quicker than anything…” he says this as he leaves once more and swiftly returns with the bound beauty from the other day. Her nude figure perfection except for a brand on her right hip. The girl’s eyes were wide as he secures her hands suspended above her, across the room from seven. “… And that is the suffering of another human being. You have condemned Tanya to your punishment!”

Sevens eyes go huge at the idea of what she’s done. She strains on her bonds, the sting of rope biting into her flesh welcomed as much as ignored. Unnoticed before she sees Him unfurl a bull whip, positioning Himself off to the side so seven could see the pain and suffering she caused. A loud crack radiates around the room as the first strikes digs into the woman’s flesh. Her piercing scream follows. The flesh where He aimed is laid open and a drop of blood trickles down. Crack! Another blow, another scream and another ugly gash marking the flawless beauty. Sevens cries mingle with Tanya’s as tears blur her vision. Crack! The unrelenting tempo of the whip increases. Crack! Tanya’s pleas jumble into an incoherent mess at the pain and endorphins flooding her system. Crack! Seven screams at Him, “Stop! Please, I’m begging You! No more, I’m sorry…”

He arches his brow and looks over to her. Tears stain her cheeks as fresh torrents of tears flow from her red eyes. The ropes have left red furrows where they dug into her wrists as she struggled in vain. Crack! “I’m sorry… What!?” his voice was full of implications and threat.

Her body sags as she understands. In order to stop this she must give over herself to Him… Crack! “I’m sorry SIR! For my wrong doing.” her voice breaks at this last bit. “No more, please, I promise to be good!”

He coils the whip back onto his belt and walks to her. She lowers her eyes unable to look into the eyes of this man. Inspecting her he says, “Now you understand. You are no longer free to do what ever you wish. You will follow the rules or this is your punishment. You forced me to do something I dislike, but it was needed to teach you your place.”

He reaches into his pocket for the remote and pushes the button. Two women walk in and view the scene, eyes wide as the spot Tanya’s back. “Take her to Mitchell. He knows what to do.” They bow in unison, retrieve Tanya and depart.

Releasing seven he commands, “Kneel before me, legs spread.” She dropped to the floor and does as told. Her actions showing utter defeat. “Who are you?” he asks.

With a hitch in her voice she struggles to respond, “Seven, Sir!”

“Who am I to you? Be careful how you reply…” his tone firm and full of heated promises of punishment if she should fail.

“You are… my owner and Sir.” A single tear falls to the floor at her words.

“Put your hands behind your back and lower your forehead to my boot.” His eyes rake over her body in her rightful place. Her compliance was instant. He crouches down, placing his hand on her back somewhat tenderly. “You are forgiven my girl. Don’t make the same mistake twice.”

She breaks out in sobs at the knowledge of what’s happened. She is His now. Her choices have been removed and limited to fit the will of…

… Her Sir!

Surrender Day:1

At her place in the center of the bed the girl had a perfect view to the door of the blank room. When she came to the first thing she realized was all her clothes were missing. There’s a blank void in her memory where all of this started… With her abduction.

The room is a simple square concrete structure painted a bland white from floor to ceiling, except for a metal grate in the middle of the slopping floor. The bad was a large metal frame but no covers or sheets, placed right in front of the door where she was now perched.

The only thing scary about the room itself were all the hooks in the wall, floor and ceiling. She couldn’t figure out what those could possibly be for. “I’m sure I will know eventually.” she said in a mumble not knowing she was forever being watched by the One who made the room.

With a start the girl hears what resembles like a rusty wheel squeaking down the hall and getting louder as it draws near. The thud of her over active heart in her ears seems deafening. She leaps down from the bed and cowers in the corner like a beaten pup. The jingle of keys alerts the girl of His presence before the dead bolts and locks click open.

On silent hinges he opens the door closing it as soon as he passes through. With sure footing and the knowledge where his captive is, he walks over and grabs the whimpering thing by her hair and drags her back to the bed post. With the swiftness that comes with practice he ties her hands firmly around the post so her firm tits are pressed to the cold metal. With a kick of his foot he sends her legs out and a simple scream rips from her lush lips. As swiftly as he did her hands he ties her ankles to the frame with barely any slack in the rope for her to wiggle. A few jerks of the knots and a slap to her perfectly plump ass and he departs for a short time.

A sigh escapes her lips as her body sags against the pole once she knows He is gone for sure. A hiss of breath is the only indication that her bonds dug into her wrists. He tied them so well that she had to stand a certain way or they would dig into her flesh, by design. Her mind reels at what just happened. The only violation done to her was a smack on her bottom. The adrenalin rush courses through her veins. Her senses are acutely heightened. She hears the once quiet hinges perfectly as He returns. Only this time the cart with the grating wheels is dragged behind Him covered by a white cloth. He positions it along the foot of the bed to her right. The girls knees go lax as He approaches the door. Her mind playing tricks on her thinks He’s leaving. With a decisive shove of the door the girls fate is sealed…

Turning towards the naked girl, he reaches into his jean pocket as he walks towards her. The white surgical gloves are methodically put on one hand at a time very slowly to insure her mind has time to think about it all. He didn’t have time to get to know her as well as the others so there’s no knowing what she could have. Stepping to the cart he removes the cover in a swirl of fabric relishing in the poor girls screams. “You might as well stop screaming. No one will hear you. At least none that would dare to save you!”

With a sore throat and wide eyes she looks on in horror at the contents of the car. There are metal objects, leather whips, masks and various other things she didn’t even know existed let alone their names. “What do you want from me?!” her voice isn’t nearly as strong as she wished.

grabbing the gag in his hand he once again looks at her. “You’ll know soon enough. If you’re a good girl today you can get some water when we’re finished.” without waiting for her response he grabs her by the jaw and forces the ball into her mouth and clasps it firmly on. Making sure she couldn’t spit it out with his fingers. Eying the scared morsel in front of him, he decides his plan of action. He grabs an ass-less leather harness and maneuvers it onto her body then grabs the Hitachi and places it right on the bud of her delicate clit and straps it onto the harness. A muffled cry comes to his ears.

Clear hard eyes look up at her in question. He goes back to His tasks and she feels the device push on her clit. Her mind registers at once what she thinks he wants from her. If only she knew..

With a flick of a remote switch the device buzzes to life causing a million sensations coursing through her. A cry of fear and humiliation signals her first forced orgasm. His thumb pushes the switch off. Tears fall from her eyes. Silent sobs erupt from her chest causing her breasts to quiver around the cold metal. Once again the sound of the buzzing Hitachi roars to life causing her hips to involuntarily buck forward. Another orgasm ripped from her body and more sobs accompanied it. The buzzing dies off and the device is still as her body sags. Ropes dig into yielding flesh. Her mind a flood of new feelings and concerns.

Placing the remote on the car he grabs the leather riding crop, testing the end on his gloved palm. Once satisfied it was oiled well by the others he stands behind the sniveling girl. Raising the weapon, expertly he lands a stinging blow to her upper back. She jerks from the instant contrast from pleasure to pain. Before she had enough time to process the change, another blow was landed on the other side of her back creating a red X. Without pause he lands one after another, each one harder and more painful for her than the last. Her back was becoming marked with red X’s all over. Her body wiggled and tried to escape each blow causing her bonds to dig in and chaff her wrists and ankles. Spit dripped from her mouth onto her tits and slowly running down further. Taking a step back he looked her over taking a break from pain. Replacing the crop to its place he picked up the remote and turned it on.

“Now for a lesson in protocol.” He said as his thumb turned up the vibration level forcing two back to back orgasms. “Tomorrow when I return you will address me as Sir or nothing at all.” Her orgasms started to roll from her. A moan slipped through her lips as her body turned to jelly. The fight beaten from her. He continued over her noises. “If you fail to do so you will be punished swiftly.. For now we are done.”

He turned off the device, taking it and the harness from her body. Placing everything on the cart he grabbed the cloth and takes the cart from the room returning with a bottle of water. Placing the bottle on the bed he removes her bonds and puts her limp body next to it. He gently removes the gag and smooths out her sweaty hair. “You were a very good girl today. As promised an unsealed water. Sleep well my girl.”

With that he departs locking the door and turning the camera on once again…

Good girl

Kneeling beside his favorite lounge chair the girl waits for his return. Her bare flesh starting to get goose bumps from the air conditioner being set a bit to cold. Her pink nipples standing to attention. Wringing her hands in the bindings that she put on in her lap nervously as the minutes tick by with out the door opening and without Him walking in. Her thoughts start to travel to forbidden places. What if someone comes while I’m like this? Did something happen to Him? A slick sheen creeps over her palms as the girl starts to panic. Her heart pounding, her head jerks up at the sound of keys in the front door. Her eyes squeeze shut as soon as she hears the distinct sound of his boots. She learned that lesson a long time ago. Butterflies ignite a war dance inside her belly causing her nerves to rocket out of control. A hand moves along her cheek in a soft caress trailing down her neck over her collar to the middle of her throat. The hand tightens ever so slightly as she sucks in a breath of air.

“What a nice way to be greeted when I first get home. Spread your legs.” He commands in an all business voice. The girls thighs part instantly revealing the pleasure his touch gives her. Her feminine petals are slick with need. With a firm grip on her collar he forces her to move before him. His thumb moves to play over her red painted lips, “Open.” Before she could suck in a breath from her now opened mouth she feels the hard head of his shaft thrust into her mouth. Around his cock she whimpers at the musky taste of the drop of pre-cum beading there. “Suck.” Instantly she sucks ravenously at his throbbing shaft barely able to contain her excitement of being allowed to taste him. She hardly ever gets the chance to suck his cock to completion and her hopes are astronomical for this encounter. His quick breathing a signal that she might just get her wish, her head bobbing along his shaft even faster. The head hitting the back of her throat causing her gag reflex to flare up. Spit dribbles from her mouth down his balls and falls on her open thigh. His hands dig into her auburn curls taking the control of her head and mouth movements not allowing her to move. He thrusts his hips wildly, fucking her mouth as his balls tighten and his heart races. Muscles clinch as his fingers dig painfully into her hair and scalp. An intoxicating squeal escapes her throat causing him to slip over the edge, pouring his essence in her mouth. “Don’t swallow!” Whimpering the girl has no choice but to obey. The taste of him soothing her nerves and causing her need and lust to rise. “Now you may swallow.” Her head goes back as his cum slides down her throat. She opens her mouth to show him she swallowed every last drop… “Good girl. You didn’t waste any.”