Posts Tagged ‘ coping ’

Catch all

Master went to work Friday. I am here in the apartment. Its nice not to be moving all the time from truck stop to truck stop. No more truckers staring at me constantly, and I have indoor plumbing!

But there is no Master around. The place feels empty and quiet without Him. I never realized how much I relied on Him for things like conpanionship. He is the only person I can talk to that gets me and our unique situation. The only “Friend” I have doesn’t talk to me unless she wants something. Now that I know she is like that I can search else where when I can.

Until that happens though, i’m kind of stuck here in the apartment becaise I don’t know anyone. I don’t mind not going out as much as I mind the fact that I have no one to talk to. Master, for all His other qualities, is a horrid listener. He doesn’t understand the healing abilities of a good rant. He interupts with “think positive” or “its fine”. Which is ok if I am panicking.

I don’t know why but I cant watch a whole movie here. I get about half through and I get a wild hair to do something. Today it was clean the kitchen. It didn’t need it but I couldn’t sit still any longer. I’ve tried 3 different movies all to the same affect. Its odd because I use to be able to just stop everything and veg for an hour or two. I cant seem to do it and its definately bothersome! Its a wee bit frustrating too.

I think I might try a different one tomorrow.

Not so uneventful

Last night was a train wreck! We pulled into Big Springs Texas with 800 miles left out of 1600 mile trip. It was to deliver at 7am tomorrow. We weren’t going to be able to get there on time. apparently we had a “High value load” that couldn’t be late. So it was taken off Master and put on someone else (repowered) at 2am! Not only did we not know when but they didn’t even tell Him who would show. He had a big ole goose egg!

You have no idea how much trouble Master would be in if that guy decided to take it and run. That is a federal crime. With no mention of a repower on Master’s qualcomm He would be the fall guy. If its not on the qualcomm, it didn’t happen.

Shitty right?!

The load we got as a replacement made up for the lost miles plus some. It was supposed to pick up at 6pm today. Well its 9:26pm now and we still don’t have the pick up number and trailer number. With out those we have no load.

So today has been a very long and uneventful day. Pretty boring actually. I would normally ask Master to spank me or put me in my floaty space but I don’t feel like opening that door right now. I’m to neutral to get worked up. I just can’t deal with the negative emotions right now.

I found something out today. Quite by accident to. I was sitting on the floor of the shower, shaving my legs. Actually taking my time, drawing the blades over flesh. Up, down, Up and back down. It drowns out every emotion, every thought. Only thing that mattered was removing the pesky growth.

The frustration and pain of my Master not trusting me to navigate evaporated. The anger at my struggles as a slave disintegrated. I was left in peace. This is the second time it happened. I can cope on my own without pain. You have no idea what a relief that is! I don’t have to wait a month or two for pain to feel normal and peaceful! I just have to wait a day or two now.

So maybe today wasn’t as uneventful as I thought. 🙂

Ps: sorry about the lack of posts this week. Its been pretty hectic and emotional!