Posts Tagged ‘ Experience ’

Loss of words

I have come to find a new comfort food or rather drink. While Master has been away I first turned to munching on snacks when the pangs of sadness hit. As you can imagine that doesn’t help me loose weight. Which is my goal now that I am off the truck. So I substituted food for hot tea.

When Master and I ate breakfast or I was feeling down I had a mug of hot tea and felt better. I was calmed at once. I tried it again yesterday, curled up on the couch under a blankie with a cup of hot tea and it was easier to stomach the pain. It helps to center my mind.

Its hard to explain just how I feel with out my Master around. Most of you probably don’t understand why I needed something to center myself and calm the emotions. Like so many other things that go along with slabery or BDSM, you have to experience it for yourself to really know. If you went from a 24/7 TPE relationship to a version of a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) than you know where I am at.

You cant read about the loss of self that happens when you are parted from your Dominant and then know about it. No words correctly describe the empty shell that one becomes.

Its better today than it was Friday. Not by much but at least I’m not crying as much. Right now that is about all I can hope for this first tme. I am praying the next time He leaves it will be easier but I’m not so sure..