Posts Tagged ‘ humiliation ’

Expectation Assignment

Master wants me to write about my expectations for this hometime. We are moving in tomorrow. I’m not good with assignment writing so bare with me yall!

One thing I have learned as a lesson from my Master is to let things happen how they may. In essence stop trying to micromanage every detail of my life and let Master handle it. It has been a very hard long process to get me where I am. But I have arrived relatively unscathed. Which means I have no expectations.

But…!

I do have a couple of fantasies that I would like to see happen. Both in the broader sense of the word and specifics. I want to break the new place in with a Bang! I need to feel 100% owned, controlled and cherished at the same time. I want to be worn out and beaten until I can’t sit, stand, walk or even blink with out a twinge of pain or six.

I need to be put in my place and have our dynamic fully established within the new home. I need to know that the lip or back talk isn’t going to be acceptable. That the slack He has given me in the truck is gone! I want to feel like His slave both domestically and sexually. I want to be forced into my role.

I need humiliation, degradation and a primal fuck. I need to be treated like nothing other than property.

Then…

I need to be cuddled, soothed and pampered. I want all the nice words and the I love you’s after He completely breaks down every single wall that I have built in my life.

For this time, I have no limits. (except cumming on my face!! just clarifying *coughs*) I want no safe word or gesture. After two years of pain, my wonderful Sadist knows His masochists buttons pretty damn well! 🙂

For Master: I want You to turn me into Your filthy fuck toy and use me until You have completed your feast. Then at the end of the night, I will need You to tell me that You love me, need me and want me! With an extra heap of cuddles 😀

Advertisements

nightmares

Last night I went to bed hurt. He wouldn’t say two words to me. Master of course stayed up until only god knows when. He has been doing that a lot. I guess he doesn’t like falling asleep with me anymore. Yes, it hurts to know that my own Master wont speak to me much less look at me. Now he won’t even fall asleep with me. He has been staying up to play Age of Empires and go online. Ever since the disaster of the hotel in Rochell I haven’t trusted him even a little with IMVU.com or anything else that might have temptations. I have a hard time sleeping when I know we have a good connection and he could very well be acting like a moron again. Plus even when I am mad at him, I still like to feel him next to me when I fall asleep. I’m actually starting to miss that…

I woke up this morning from a horrid nightmare. One of the worst I have had in a long time.. In the nightmare Master took us to some couples house that I had never met. As soon as I walked into their house I was uncomfortable. They had bondage things out like I do when there is a scene expected. Master told me to go change and handed me a harness. I said I didn’t want to do this but he told me, “Bitches don’t have a say go change.”. It proceeded to being tied up and blindfolded on the floor the same way she was. The men took pictures and later Master forced me to post them. But I didn’t know who did the touching and who was recieving what… Until my blindfold was removed. And the man that I didn’t know had been fucking me and slapping me around. While Master was pounding into the other girl. I instantly vomited and felt cheep and cheated-on. Basically Master cheated on me in the same room that I was being raped.

I have never had dreams like this. The bad ones are usually of people getting hurt or dying. But never rape and being cheated on. I don’t know how to process this. My heart tells me that Master would never want to have a double scene but my head says other wise. He has already talked to Sir C about that very thing only I wouldn’t be touched by anyone other then Master. And he has also talked about another girl. He is always talking about adding another girl. And after the little cunt that Master had collared and was going to collar in RL I in no way want that. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. Never in a million years. But really who’s choice is it ultimately? He likes to fuck. Maybe he will just get another girl in spite of everything. Who knows.

Right now I just want to bury my head in the sand and dissapear for a long time. I don’t even care right now about talking or not talking with Master. I just want to go away. Somewhere I can’t be hurt anymore…

(Photo-credit: Maggewhite on photobucket)