Posts Tagged ‘ Master ’

Masters new toy!

Master is home for the weekend. He has to leave Tuesday morning. This time with Him has become so precious to me. You have no idea how important the little things are, ie His smell, touch and even His voice. Without Him here the apartment is so empty and devoid of life.

I have no purpose when He is gone. Its hard to even do the simple things like cooking is. It isnt the same cooking for just myself. I always wish He was here, with me instead of out there. But I know this separation is nessecary for our future.

Things are rough on the lifestyle front. We haven’t figured out how exactly to be us, in our places even when we are apart. Its a learning process, as sephi put it today. We have to find what works and tweek what doesn’t until it to works. It will be hard, but learning to be Master and slave on the truck was also hard. And we learned to do that.

Master got a new toy! Its a android tablet with a 3G hook up. We were there to talk phone returns and came home with this bad boy. I so want one after playing with it today. I’ve done things on Fetlife, facebook and here that I didn’t think I would be able to do.

I also made the bed, did laundry, washed dishes and made pork chops, wild rice, corn and deviled eggs. (All Master’s favorites) So a normal day as a stay-at-home slave. Oh and washed dishes after cooking and eating. Soon I will give Master a rub down and probably go to bed. I was up at 6:30am, so I’m pretty tired.

If I can I will post Junes posts tomorrow. I am only allowed to be online when Master is here. Which is only one weekend a month now. 😦

Catch all

Master went to work Friday. I am here in the apartment. Its nice not to be moving all the time from truck stop to truck stop. No more truckers staring at me constantly, and I have indoor plumbing!

But there is no Master around. The place feels empty and quiet without Him. I never realized how much I relied on Him for things like conpanionship. He is the only person I can talk to that gets me and our unique situation. The only “Friend” I have doesn’t talk to me unless she wants something. Now that I know she is like that I can search else where when I can.

Until that happens though, i’m kind of stuck here in the apartment becaise I don’t know anyone. I don’t mind not going out as much as I mind the fact that I have no one to talk to. Master, for all His other qualities, is a horrid listener. He doesn’t understand the healing abilities of a good rant. He interupts with “think positive” or “its fine”. Which is ok if I am panicking.

I don’t know why but I cant watch a whole movie here. I get about half through and I get a wild hair to do something. Today it was clean the kitchen. It didn’t need it but I couldn’t sit still any longer. I’ve tried 3 different movies all to the same affect. Its odd because I use to be able to just stop everything and veg for an hour or two. I cant seem to do it and its definately bothersome! Its a wee bit frustrating too.

I think I might try a different one tomorrow.

Expectation Assignment

Master wants me to write about my expectations for this hometime. We are moving in tomorrow. I’m not good with assignment writing so bare with me yall!

One thing I have learned as a lesson from my Master is to let things happen how they may. In essence stop trying to micromanage every detail of my life and let Master handle it. It has been a very hard long process to get me where I am. But I have arrived relatively unscathed. Which means I have no expectations.

But…!

I do have a couple of fantasies that I would like to see happen. Both in the broader sense of the word and specifics. I want to break the new place in with a Bang! I need to feel 100% owned, controlled and cherished at the same time. I want to be worn out and beaten until I can’t sit, stand, walk or even blink with out a twinge of pain or six.

I need to be put in my place and have our dynamic fully established within the new home. I need to know that the lip or back talk isn’t going to be acceptable. That the slack He has given me in the truck is gone! I want to feel like His slave both domestically and sexually. I want to be forced into my role.

I need humiliation, degradation and a primal fuck. I need to be treated like nothing other than property.

Then…

I need to be cuddled, soothed and pampered. I want all the nice words and the I love you’s after He completely breaks down every single wall that I have built in my life.

For this time, I have no limits. (except cumming on my face!! just clarifying *coughs*) I want no safe word or gesture. After two years of pain, my wonderful Sadist knows His masochists buttons pretty damn well! 🙂

For Master: I want You to turn me into Your filthy fuck toy and use me until You have completed your feast. Then at the end of the night, I will need You to tell me that You love me, need me and want me! With an extra heap of cuddles 😀

Refocus

I’ve decided to take a break from the internet for the next 3 days. I don’t just mean Facebook but everything from Fetlife down to blogs. I will still write but I won’t be reading about other people’s lives.

I only have three days left with my Master. I am going to make them count for something! My focus is being shifted refocused on Him, where its suppose to be. He is my priority, not some one I have never met in person. No offence to any of you, but this is something I have to do.

I will not look back on these days with regret because I didn’t do more! My time with Him is extremely important, precious and special.

Eager Acceptance

I’m taking a break from writing The Academy. I normally don’t like to do that but there is a lot happening that is making me preoccupied.

We are moving into the apartment in less than a week. As for those of you who are friends on FB know, I am a mixed bag of nerves. It varies from day to day and hour to hour sometimes. I am excited to get off the truck! The first 6 months were fun but the year and a half after that was a bit brutal.

It was a great learning tool though. When two people are thrust together (not in a dirty way! Get your heads out of the gutter!) in a limited enviroment, they either mesh together or crumble. We not only meshed but thrived! At times it was a little rough and bumpy but no relationship is perfect. We are far from perfection but we are perfect for one another. There is no I or Me anymore, instead its We or Us.

People, couples especially, have no real concept of 24/7 until they live in a truck. I have no outside job or schooling to go to. Entertainment is done together, i.e movies. In the beginning we even showered together. Except for the bathroom we are hardly apart. Where He goes, I go. It can be suffocating or solidifying depending how you look at it. I like to think it helped make Us as strong as we are! For that, I will be forever grateful for this experience.

Now its time for the next stage in our relationship. Taking this leap of faith scares me to death and excites me. We have mastered living together in a really small space. Its become our normal and its safe. It’s not the experience or even the responsibility that frightens… Just that, we finally have us down pat and I’m afraid we will have to relearn us. I know that’s silly but there you have it.

Then you add being away from Master 2-3 weeks a month while He works and I’m a basket case!

I am doing things eagerly that I would normally grimace at just to have that feel of ownership and control. I don’t complain (as much) about the chores like laundry and making the bed. I still don’t like it but I am more than willing to do it. Anything I can do to help carry the dynamic we have now, I will do!

For instance, last night I gave Master a foot rub. I abhor feet! But I did it to show my appreciation to Him. No ulterior motive or selfish thoughts. Just me on my knees serving up one hell of a foot rub to Him!

I’m greatful for…

by PrimroseSue

Master’s love and patience.. I know I am not perfect. I try His patience each and every day when I misbehave, and yet He still sticks with me. I know I can do better be better and so does He! So He waits.

For frosted flakes when it’s either cereal or greasy day old pizza for breakfast.. When Master chooses Flying J truck stops to stay the night, I have limited choices for a nutritious or appetising breakfast. I am a firm believer that breakfast is the most important meal of they day. So I get the little individual cups of frosted flakes instead of pizza!

For Master allowing me to sleep in once in a while… I am not a morning person! I make no excuses as to why. I’d rather greet the dawn by staying awake all night than wake up at 6am or earlier. So when Master lets me sleep in, I have no words to express my thanks.

Master’s mercy and letting me have a Red Bull and coffee at 4am… I am not allowed to drink red bull, soda or anything to sweet. It messes with my system and I am trying to cut back on the sweets where I can. But at 4am I need the extra caffeine that is in both of those drinks. I usually drink Hot Tea instead of coffee, but red bull is usually a big no-no. He is very kind to me!

For finally being able to get a hotel when we are fried… When we were with the Other Company, we could barely afford to eat let alone take time off the truck in a hotel! But now? With the new Company we can do that once a month and sometimes more than that. It’s why I take great offense when someone speaks badly to me about it.

Sushi!! Need I say more? Except that Master doesn’t really like chinese food, so it’s rare that I get it.

And last but not least, for an extra dose of cuddles when The Curse is here… My Master is very understanding and sympathetic when it comes to cramps, hot flashes and cold flashes. He gives me cuddles when I ask for them and lets the leash slip a bit so to speak.

*****

For the last week I have been writing a Gratitude List. It has been driving my Master crazy because I wouldn’t let Him see it. *snickers* He could have pushed the issue but didn’t. And that? Is one of the biggest honor He has given me. He lets me write freely and about anything I wish. No rules or limits. I am honored He trusts me enough to know what is acceptable to write about and what isn’t because if I had to get the posts preaproved? I’d go nuts!

So Thank you Master for everything You do for me and allow me to do! Your patience and trust mean everything to me!

Kitten

I have been thinking about pets all week while Master drove. Not the furry four-legged companions but the human ones.

left to right: Kitten, Me and Lilly

In the beginning of the week I had a very vivid dream. It was a little unsettling in its authenticity and complexity. In said dream we were settled in Corpus only we had a pet. A kitty cat to be precise. Normally I wouldn’t ponder that, but kitten was the pet!

I know I’ve never mentioned her so your probably thinking, “So? It’s a cat named kitten, who cares!” so I will elaborate.

When Master and I were “just” online, He was talking to multiple girls and had “collared” them. Mind you it was purely online. (it wasn’t “just” anything for me. Even then I knew He was it!) Well, kitten was one of them. She wasn’t His slave but more like a house pet. We talked a lot and she was just so damn cute! (as you can see in the pic!) I never felt any animosity from her or jealousy like I did from the others. She was simply the best bet a House could ask for!

But when things got ugly she chose to believe a russian liar and left. It hurt Master and I both. That was over 2 years ago.

I’m a little rattled as to why I would think of her here and now. What is that suppose to mean? Why did those emotions get kicked back up?

I haven’t been on imvu for a very long time. I’m thankful for it and becoming the place where I first talked to my Master will always make it special.

But why now and why her?!