Posts Tagged ‘ mercy ’

Mercy

“I want to put myself absolutely at your mercy for good or evil without any condition, without any limit to your power.” -Leopold von Sacher-Masoch

I would absolutely love to submit myself to the whims of my Owner in such a complete way. I would be thrilled to wake up and not know what’s going to happen to or around me. If I could submit all things to Him my life would be so simple and to the point.

I don’t know if I can do that though. Ever since I was a little girl I have been taking care of myself. And I have done a good job of it. I’ve always worked and made my own decisions. I’m a rather independent person and that can get in the way of submitting like that. I know what I want when I want it and I know what I need when I need it.

What I don’t know is if He will be that in tune to my wants and needs. If He doesn’t I, once again, am an unfulfilled person. I know what that’s like. I don’t want to go back to being a walking, talking time bomb. I don’t want to be broken!

Plus I’m afraid. I don’t wear my collar right now because it’s symbology has changed. It has become a red-hot beacon of all my disappointments this last year and a half. It symbolises all my neglected needs, lost experiences and sorrow. That particular collar lost its good meaning.

I’m hoping with a new collar I won’t be so afraid of it.

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Blessed Mercy

I guess Master does have a merciful bone in His body after all. I was given a stern
talking to about walking away but He understood that it was the lesser of two evils.
My mouth is what gets me in trouble the most. I know shocking, but bear with me here!
There are so many double standards that drive me nuts and one of them is the fact
that He can act like a phallic at any given time but me? Not a chance! I will get in trouble
some how for it. I have never liked the double standards that are set in normal society
between men and women let alone the ones I dug up via BDSM. Now my life is chalk
full of them. And so what if I rebel a little, its in my genetic code. I use to become so
enraged that my brother or cousins could eat sloppy but I could not. I would get
punished for spilling something on my clothes or not using the proper utensil to eat
certain foods with. But they could use their hands!

But I digress before this post becomes an even larger rant on double standards
and proper etiquette.

Although I was bratty yesterday Master still allowed me to receive a rather hard
spanking with His belt. I am still deliciously sore in my upper back between my
shoulders and my lower back where some of the more brutal strikes landed. But I
do mean brutal in the best since of the word. *smiles*

Sadly though this morning I have started my horrid time of the month so any activities
s down in the nether-regions is going to have to wait. But luckily this doesn’t affect
my breasts!