Posts Tagged ‘ pain ’

Not so uneventful

Last night was a train wreck! We pulled into Big Springs Texas with 800 miles left out of 1600 mile trip. It was to deliver at 7am tomorrow. We weren’t going to be able to get there on time. apparently we had a “High value load” that couldn’t be late. So it was taken off Master and put on someone else (repowered) at 2am! Not only did we not know when but they didn’t even tell Him who would show. He had a big ole goose egg!

You have no idea how much trouble Master would be in if that guy decided to take it and run. That is a federal crime. With no mention of a repower on Master’s qualcomm He would be the fall guy. If its not on the qualcomm, it didn’t happen.

Shitty right?!

The load we got as a replacement made up for the lost miles plus some. It was supposed to pick up at 6pm today. Well its 9:26pm now and we still don’t have the pick up number and trailer number. With out those we have no load.

So today has been a very long and uneventful day. Pretty boring actually. I would normally ask Master to spank me or put me in my floaty space but I don’t feel like opening that door right now. I’m to neutral to get worked up. I just can’t deal with the negative emotions right now.

I found something out today. Quite by accident to. I was sitting on the floor of the shower, shaving my legs. Actually taking my time, drawing the blades over flesh. Up, down, Up and back down. It drowns out every emotion, every thought. Only thing that mattered was removing the pesky growth.

The frustration and pain of my Master not trusting me to navigate evaporated. The anger at my struggles as a slave disintegrated. I was left in peace. This is the second time it happened. I can cope on my own without pain. You have no idea what a relief that is! I don’t have to wait a month or two for pain to feel normal and peaceful! I just have to wait a day or two now.

So maybe today wasn’t as uneventful as I thought. 🙂

Ps: sorry about the lack of posts this week. Its been pretty hectic and emotional!

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The Switch

Its 7am and I just woke up. Master went inside so I have a few minutes to write.

Usually when I wake up I’m a little groggy until my brain wakes up. But today it’s up and running in high gear analyzing last night. Master gave me a very good thrashing. That evil leather paddle was used everywhere. My back, butt, legs, arms and breasts. I’m sore in places I forgot I had. It was mentally exhausting in the sense my mind wouldn’t turn off! I kept thinking if that was what I really needed or was I doing it for some sick gratification. It made the pain hard to bear. I was crying with snot rolling down my face. Until He did my back. I guess that was the switch that shut off my raging thoughts. The pain didn’t change only… shifted from unbearable to enjoyable. I stopped crying and spaced. I was floating on the current of pain and every thing clicked! Yes, it was what I needed. I was ensconced in my place and who I am. Of course I get a warped gratification out of it. I’m a pain slut after all! No, HIS pain slut. 🙂

The Walls

I have been struggling with how mundane my life is right now. It’s all I seem to think about. With every thing that is going on outside our little bubble of control; you would think what can be controlled would take the center stage. And in my mind that is exactly how it works. My Master doesn’t think like that.

It seems with Him the crazier our life is the farther away He pushes us. Right now we are both stressed, I mean severely stressed. What with accumulating cash to move, His ex-mother-in-law and His DM(driver manager) there is no room for this lifestyle or in-depth discussions about us.

We are polar opposites in this. Life fire and ice trying to live together without destroying everything in the process. It really makes me angry and frustrated because He always says it will be easier. In some ways (like room, time and a way to get toys) yeah I’m sure it will be easier but the stress won’t go away! It will only morph into a different cocktail of unpleasantness.

I have no way to release that pent-up anger and frustration. I can’t clean in a mad frenzy or walk until my lungs want to burst. Other than those two ways I don’t know how to not break. Even the pope himself would snap in my predicament.

Because I’m so angry the thought of a scene is unappetizing to say the least. I’m not in the right mind-set for a quick spanking or slapping. I no longer enjoy giving Him a handjob or blowjob. It’s an instant turn off for me. I know that sounds harsh but I know my Master. Sometimes more than He gives me credit for.

I’m not sure I could accept anything that would make me more vulnerable than I am now. Even without the added vulnerability I have been hurt enough this week. I have been yelled at and snapped at multiple times. Right now I am just to iffy or on edge. I’m afraid I would break…

*****

I just got out of a much needed shower. It was actually relaxing to sit under the hot water while shaving. Usually, showers are more of a chore than or obligation (my Master likes me smooth and hairless everywhere so it takes some time and effort) but today? It actually gave me time to think uninterrupted. Which is rare.

So I was doing my thing and it just came to me! The walls I use to have around my secret place and heart were coming back. I have worked so hard to knock those down and let my Master in. I’ve always been slightly afraid of letting Him in and submitting fully to Him. As you know I am a fairly independent person. (hush in the peanut gallery!) I’ve had to be to survive. I wasn’t sure I could trust Him to lean me in the right direction.

To this day I am really hesitant about that. I am also not a very trusting soul. I know I can trust Him with my life, but can I trust Him with everything else?

Its better than last month and hopefully in another month I will trust Him even more. Every day that goes by with Him fully ensconced in His role and I’m still safe and happy is a step in the right direction. On the flip side of that coin, every time He is just NGT the guy and I’m frustrated its one step backward.

Another thought I had in the shower way maybe a good scene was what I do in fact need! (I know two thoughts! I’m that good! hehe) My mind did a 180 degree spin I know, but hear me out. Doing nothing has messed with my head pretty bad. I’ve had bouts of self-doubt, whether or not I’m good enough to be my Masters’ slut and some of the walls come back to full glory from the rubble.

So perhaps I need to be pushed to my limit and then forced 10-20 steps farther into the unknown and past my safety net. I need to be put in my place then kept there. I know parts I won’t enjoy while others I will love. I need Him to unleash the Sadistic Bastard that lurks inside Him for a couple of days. To get back on track with what I am supposed to be!

Knowing me, I might rebel at first. When I am put back into my place I get a bit huffy and snippy.* After months of no corrections its only natural to resist. But after the initial huffy-ness I settle into the place that makes me love what I do. (mmm m&ms with pretzels inside!!) It just takes me a while to get back to that state of mind. After all patience is a virtue. (looks pointedly at Master)

*Master’s edit: A bit?! A bit snippy my Ass! (yes He did type that)

Yes Mistress: Part 2

What the hell did I get into?! None of this was part of the deal.

He wanted to scream at her or get up and do something! No matter how loud he would scream deep down he knew it was pointless. His arms were bound in the metal cuffs and chains like his ankles. She made sure he couldn’t fight back. His butt was aflame and throbbing. His cheeks felt so dry they might crack. She had spanked him raw.

“Now for my next trick.” she said from behind him. His whole body tensed up. He could feel her hand rub his ass, down his thigh and between his legs. With a jolt he groans around the gag, drool spilling onto the floor.

Fresh tears leap to his eyes. The hand holding his halls squeezes painfully. His dick twitches in response as a bead of precum drips to the wood floors. His shaking head says no but his member says yes. The pressure receded only long enough for her to tie a piece of rope around them making it so much more painful. His cock hardened even further pulling a reluctant moan from his lips.

Fucking traitor!

The stinging pain to his ass starts again. Her silent strikes with the cane nerving. His body wiggled and tried to doge the pain but the rope around his scrotum tightened bringing a new definition of blue balls. His muffled yelps, groans and screams music to her ears.

His body stops resisting as the endorphins and adrenaline course through his veins. His head lulls to the side in acceptance as he floats with the pain. Unnoticed by him she stops the beating and bends down to inspect his ass and balls. With one last slap of his ass she releases his sack from the rope. A startled cry escapes as the sensation of blood rushing to his balls is to powerful. The awakened orbs release their load on the floor. His time of ecstasy is short-lived.

The woman unlocks his hands and ankles than tears off the gag. Her open palm lands on his face in a stinging blow. Her eyes full of fury as she spats, “You did not have permission! Clean that up!”

His dumbfounded expression infuriates her. Grabbing the back of his neck she pushes his face to the puddle he created.

“Yes Mistress.” He says as his tongue darts out to lap up his own juices.

Pain slut

His slut

I am what I am. I make no excuses or try to mask it with a pretty ribbon and bow. I yearn for the pinch of your pin, I whimper at the constant pressure, wiggle in a pool of needy lust as the pain increases into a blazing inferno. The moment you clamp your girls nipples with the pins she transforms.

I am your girl until the pins appear, then I am your pain slut, begging for more, begging for less. Always begging!

Rewarded for a good job

Our 34hr restart is over and we have another load going to Houston. Right now we are working our way south so we can be on our home time Sunday to relax. Plus so He can watch nascar… I know its important so I wont bitch.. much! Apparently, this last race is really important and will decide the champion. I’m just glad it will be over soon.

Yesterday Master got a pair of really nice boots. Real leather with a rubber non-slip soul. They should last a good long while. When we got back to the yard I sealed and polished them. That was kind of fun, I guess I have a nack for it. He was very pleased. *Beams* They look super good on Him to. Doing the polishing for Him made me feel more like a slave than any other chore could possibly do. It made me think about things while my hands were busy. That’s a very good thing for me.

I was rewarded with some breast spanking for my job well done! It was out of the blue in the sense I didn’t think it would happen much less like that. I was standing there topless waiting to get into bed when He started to tweak and fondle them. Those led to pinches and slaps! Big ouchies.. He slapped them so hard my body kept trying to buckle in on itself. He wouldn’t let me though so my knee decided to come up after every painful slap. (which was every single one!) I had a really hard time holding still. He might have to tie me down next time. I am sporting two really nice bruises on the sides of my breasts. 🙂 I was really happy to finally see bruises on my body that He put there… Not the random accidental ones you wake up with!

 

Today has been a really good day. We are hopefully done with Wal-mart blitz loads. Right now we are working our way home with one that delivers to a store.

Master and I had a couple of great talks while He was driving. We also talked about His past by a lake next to a rest area. I had a few questions and it seemed like the right time to ask. He is very “ask the right questions and you’ll get the right answer” kind of guy about the subject of His past. (I wont mention details about past, present or future talks about His past…EVER) Then we talked about us and the life we led. I asked a couple of questions (as always curious me does) about His version of a perfect scene.. Lets just say it involves double-headed dildos, a cat o’nine tails whip, gag, blindfold and a bucket-o-water! Let your imagination soar, I know mine did. 🙂

Right now we are parked, fed and happily relaxing. Master is reading an excellent book called The chamber of Ten. It was a great book, I finished it in less than ten hours! I’m still reading The lord of the ring trilogy. I’m on book two still. I’m not exactly loving them. But I will see how they end. I’m obligated to.

Update

We got back from our home time yesterday. We were met with a lot of messages concerning loads. We are doing the walmart blitz until monday. A most boring run I couldn’t imagine! We go from Houston to dallas then back… That’s it. Easy money sure but I don’t know if its worth it. He is already snapping at me for “selective hearing”. I have to look at Him to hear over the drum of a diesel engine, so when I look away I can’t hear Him so well. Its a disaster if a car or animal snags my attention away from Him for a second!! As you can tell today and yesterday have sucked. I doubt its going to get any better.

Home time was… Productive. We got our po box and sent in the change of address form. Within two weeks the man said the mail would start going there, which is good. My mother now has no excuse for not sending in for my birth certificate. We also paid the remainder of the phone bill a day early as it turned out, so that is current and done with until december 3rd. We relaxed, he watched his wrestling and I played on the phone. I even got a spanking. It left very little marks. The ones that were there were spotty and faint. There already gone. I doubt I will get any bruises that are good. He stops way to early and doesn’t raise the intensity after I stop making noises. Its like he doesn’t know how to do it so I will bruise… If you ask him why I’m sure he will make up an excuse, he always does!

We have talked about raising the pain level many times. Yet he stops when the going gets good. Its like deep down he doesn’t want to leave marks. His sadistic side has died away, I wish he would get it back but he doesn’t seen to want to. I don’t get it nor do I pretend that I do with him. Its like my suggestions arnt sticking in my head even though its my limits he won’t test. Then you add to that the fact we haven’t had sex in a month, you start to see why I think were going back to the two weeks of control and domination only! Just like before… But he doesn’t or won’t see that.

Maybe he just needs some encouragement to do more pain full things. But how do I do that with out being to pushy or nagging? I ask him for more but he says his hand hurts (he prefers his hand to a weapon) and to give him a moment. When I do he doesn’t want to continue and I very much do! The spankings last 20+ minutes tops if I’m lucky and that’s all he does. I always have to ask for ouchies there never just given. Some people would say I’m greedy and should be thankful for what he does give me. And your all right. But what would you do if what you wanted wasn’t a guarantee? Would you sit by and let it slip through your fingers or would you fight to keep it?! I will always fight for what I want/need to be myself. And I know beyond a doubt it makes him feel like the king of the world after a long, rough scene! You can tell by the way he acts and talks. It makes for a more enjoyable day, for the both of us.

So why he won’t do it I don’t know…