Posts Tagged ‘ rejection ’

Turn off switches

I’m going to do another journal prompt. Let’s see what it randomly kicks up…

“When you’re in a submissive state, are there things that specifically turn you off?”- part one

Hmmm. Another goodie. I’m going to break it into two parts since it’s actually two questions.

There are actually a couple of things that will get me out of a slave mindset. The most affective one that Master does is direct His anger or disappointment at me. In other words when He snaps for (to me) no reason. It puts me on the defensive very quickly and my submission will change to rebellion. It’s why I, intentionally, *cough* snap back. Deep down I know snapping back won’t solve a dang thing, but in that split second I just don’t care.

The second thing (or in case people) that gets me out of my slave mindset, is my family. Every time I talk to my mother she mentions things that cut to the bone. So the emotional and mental scars Master is in the process of helping me mend, break open and start to ooze. When this happens I revert to my old pre-Master ways and crawl into my safe place inside my head. It’s why I don’t call much anymore. And she just cant figure out why. Hmmmm.

“When you are feeling particularly submissive, are there things that will put you straight back into neutral?”- part two

So far I have only found one thing that successfully does this. That would be rejection in the purest form. I know Master doesn’t know exactly what rejection, especially His, does to me. (well He does now! *evil glare*) When He says He’s to tired or frustrated or stressed to give me even the most simple and basic of spankings, it hurts. It feels like He is not just rejecting me, but my gift of submission as well. So my instincts shut that part of myself down. Not just that day, but days even weeks afterwords!

I don’t ask for much. My requests are simple. So when I beg, why must I still be rejected? I don’t really know that one.

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Normal vs Slave

From a vanilla stand point this weekend has been great. We got a lot accomplished. We paid the bill, got my I.D and did the laundry. Master even got His CDL renewed. I didn’t get my nails done but we watched 3 good movies. He doesn’t want me to get a manicure so I probably won’t be able to. Which really Stinks!!

We have a load going to Houston tomorrow. Our home time is over. Which bites big time. We had all this space at our disposal and never used it in a non-vanilla way. I’ve even mentioned water play. But all He wanted to do was watch TV and relax. I don’t know why I bother packing the clothes pins or candle. They are hardly if ever used. I’m actually afraid to get other toys. I don’t know if they will be used. I got a very small bad spanking that lasted five minutes.

So from a slave stand point this weekend blew. I had pictured something else when He said He had plans for this weekend. Something better, more intense since He won’t do anything in the truck. I doubt He realizes that. Heck, He might. I don’t want to hear Him complain about not having space then waste it when He has it. Nothing goes right! I cant remember the last scene that lasted longer than 45 minutes. I’m not sure how to ask with out rejection anymore. I would kneel and offer His belt but He wouldn’t take it and use it. Maybe next time we get a hotel… In a month or more 😦