Posts Tagged ‘ representation ’

The old fashioned way

I have been trying to write a story for a few days now. I have it in my head. I can see the words I want to write but I just can’t write fast enough! As you know, I’ve been writing every thing down by hand until we are in Corpus on hometime. And it’s very frustrating!

I pride myself in being an old-fashioned kind of girl. I love the old films, shows and even the photography. I like to think my marriage to Master will be like in the ’50s. Our ideals in roles for the male and female populations are also decidedly old-fashioned. Every once in a while I get a stray hair up the butt and write a letter to my mother instead of an email.

However, the one thing I love in this new age is computers! This post would have been sent off as published by now and I would be so much farther into my story than I am. I write hard with my pen so my hand cramps up quickly but I love to write.

Writing centers my mind. Its way better than meditation in the sense I am reliving my day, emotions and actions. I get analyze things without people bugging me. So I can’t stop writing because of no computers. I just have to suffer through and let the process do its magic.

In other news, I was reading a blog (I know shocking right?) concerning a fellow slave who realized she had the anti-domming virus; She called it something else but you get the idea. Unfortunately her post made me open my eyes to my own attitude.

I’ve always been under the impression that it was mainly Master’s fault for not controlling me. I thought because He never tried and I did, that my slate was wiped clean.

As it turns out my constant complaining, nagging and what-have-yous weren’t helping Him get in the mindset. Neither was my fighting Him with tooth and nail when He did try. I chalked it up to self preservation instead of self-destruction. I actually believed I was protecting my fragile heart by not letting Him control the bits He tried to do, because He would give up and stop instead of breaking through.

Can’t say as I blame Him now. Who wants to do something with a person that makes it all but impossible?! I have been a blind fool. Instead of accepting with gratitude what I was given, I complained about what I wasn’t getting… And blamed Him!

I should be the one getting yelled at.

A couple of days ago, I was given the idea to put the words “represent Him” on my phone as a banner or reminder. No matter what else I may be I am His slave. Just because I’m in a bad mood or angry at Him it doesn’t give me the ok to disrespect Him.

I know its going to be hard. But I need to change my way of thinking or acting. I have to represent Him in the way I see Him. I want us to be the couple that other kinky souls instantly know who/what we are by a glance!

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