Posts Tagged ‘ work ’

Struggles

“What have you discovered in your service that you never expected?”

That is a hard one. I have had this on my mind the whole weekend trying to answer that. I have known since I was 16 that this lifestyle is what I wanted. To serve and please another in all that I am. At first I was drawn to the submissive side but that changed once I met my Master. I never expected this part to be so hard. I figured I would be a pro at it since I have been wanting to please since I was 16.

After a little while I realized the hardest thing in my service is staying in the slave mindset. I never knew it would be so hard maintaining the charisma, enjoyment to please and whole mindset that is needed to submit fully to another person. There are times when life throws you a curve ball mixed with a fast ball. It’s hard to keep in mind that you aren’t free to react the way you would have.

Your Master may piss you off or annoy you, but you can’t really get mad and yell at Him or tell Him to piss off. (Do as I say not as I do. I’m still learning!!) It’s a natural reaction to defend yourself. In a way you can but you still have to show respect to the Man/Woman that owns you. After all you are His/Hers. They can do with you what they want with no explanation what so ever!

And that is hard for me to wrap my head around. I like knowing where I’m going, what I’m doing and who I will be doing it with. But with my Master, He likes to throw random things out there just to see how I react. I must think on my toes. It’s frustrating but at the end of the day when I do well, it is definitely rewarded. Maybe not in the conventional ways. Sometimes I will get an extra spanking or cuddle time. This weekend I got to see a chick flick because I was good meeting with Sir R and j! (HEY! Chick flicks are a big deal for me. They are even more rare than sushi, and that’s saying something!)

I may not get a treasured “Good girl” but I still get something. For a while I lost sight of that. I was so concerned with the negatives and not the positives, I didn’t even see when I was being rewarded. Thankfully my blindfold is off. And the reward helps reassure me that I am doing good even though I am struggling.

Does that make me a bad slave? Maybe. But at least I am learning and admitting when I slip up so I can dust myself off with the help of my Master.

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Normal

I was going to write a post with a prompt last night but nothing stuck out to me. So I thought about writing about my day. Again, nothing.

Yesterday was pretty normal. We worked, watched t.v, played around and went to bed. We stayed in a really bad hotel by the Pilot in Denham Springs.

We woke up at 6:30am so He could be in court on time. That was a mess. The sign said no cell phones leave with guard. I had to run back to the truck 2 blocks away to put them there and run back so He wouldn’t be late. A big girl should never run!!

After court we stopped in Orange Texas at the Flying J for breakfast. It was good. I was allowed a Red Bull, Mountain Dew and coffee all in one Morning! Needless to say, I had to pee… a lot. (Ha! I said it anyway. *blows raspberry!*)

And now we are at the IKEA in Houston for the night. We walked the whole store browsing. My legs and feet are screaming at me right now. I even have a blister. IKEA is freaking HUGE!!! Don’t go if your pressed for time, that’s all I gotta say.

I know it’s not as exciting as flogging or fucking but my days are pretty normal. Another thing, I’ve decided not to post horrible stuff. I know I will slip from time to time, but no one wants to read bad things. And having my dirty laundry out in the innernets is never good.

Random-ness

Master and I woke up at 4:30am this morning. We were on back roads in Georgia so our load was late by 2 hours. It has been brutal though. Once I get tired, oh boy! You all better hold on to your hats. It’s going to be a doozy!

My face feels all dried out like old parchment right now.

And my nose itches apparently.

I keep finding bruises on my legs and have not a clue how they got there. Master is baffled to. I usually find them when I’m shaving. Our guess is I beat myself up at night trying to get comfortable in a teeny bed! But it could be Bob the boogy man… Just sayin’ its a possibility.

Master has court on Monday for a speeding ticket He didn’t earn. At first Monica, His DM, flipped because we were in Corpus the 18th. But its taken care of, we just have to get there. She seemed to think court is the same as home time even though we don’t live in Louisiana. And if we did it would not be Denham Springs!!!

The curse starts tomorrow. This time I need it to show up because Master came inside me when He used me last. Come on icky-ness! Cast out the evil invaders! *Does the body builder stance* Grrr!

Oh, Oh, Oh! Our taxes arrive April 1st! It’s enough to move and maybe get more furniture than I thought. The carrot is so close I can taste it. Mmmm carrot cake! 🙂

And I’m crashing……

*Feels an earthquake and sonic BOOM! go off as I pass the hell out*

PS: Told ya I was tired and Loopy!

One of those days

You ever have one of those days that everything makes you angry? People grate on the nerves and tasks seem to be put in your way to just agrivate the bejesus out of you? You know the one I’m speaking of. Master is having one of those days. He’s in a bad mood and everything He does somehow makes it that much worse…

Today is not going to be fun. When He gets like this I’m forced to walk on pins and needles around Him, like a mine feild. If I ask to do something the wrong way or tone, He will turn on me and snap! Days like today make me want to go back to bed and start all over. But there’s no way I’ll risk that.

I have to be on my very best behavior at all times, so I’m not the person/thing angering Him. He makes my day 100% more stressful when He is in this mood. Its better to go about my business carefully and do what I’m told immediately. Its deffinately a test of selflessness and patience!

Right now we’re at the shipper waiting to be loaded. We unloaded the last load then hopped over here. This load is going to Irving Texas and is heavier than the last. Its 45,000 lbs. When its loaded Master is going to the loves right down the street to scale it. Make sure its legal so we don’t get a stupid ticket, as He calls it. Which means when He does that I can run in and get brunch real quick, and at a decient hour to! We are being loaded, so I’ll write again when we stop.

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Have you ever drawn mustaches on the past Presidents on the coins? I just did and a funnier thing I couldn’t find right now. But then again, I’m bored. 🙂

We’re here at the reciever waiting to deliver in the morning. I hate when we have to do this. Luckily for me it doesn’t happen often. Master is reading my story. I hope He likes it and just isn’t saying it to make me feel good.

I can tell I’m tired. My eyes are bugging out on me. They just got extremely dry. Have you ever had that happen while your trying to concentrate? Very annoying! Hopefully bedtime is soon.

Want to hear something odd? I actually miss having a bedtime. I know its strange but it felt like it was another form of submission/Control if He sent me to bed. Does that make any sense? Probably not. I ramble when I’m tired…

I’m just biding my time until Master’s done reading. I have to know what He thinks about it. Attention seeking? Yup! Approval Hungry? You betcha! Hoping He speaks honestly about it? Always! Ok, so if He didn’t like it He could lie just a tensy bit to make me feel good… Just this once though!

Scatter Brained

Today has been somewhat of a mess. We delivered yesterday here in Laredo with the understanding we would go down to Corpus Christi this morning. For some reason our DM decided not to allow Master to bob-tail (take just the tractor) there for our home time. We were going to ship out angels Christmas pressies and get a Hotel for the night. I also needed to check the po box for my official I.D card. (right now all I have is the temporary paper) Instead of doing all that we were stuck here at the terminal. We had to wait until after 2:00pm before we got a load.

The load goes to Michigan to some town I can’t spell let alone pronounce! I guess for trucking right now is the slow season. The load doesn’t deliver until Monday. Only now the phantom night crew is flipping out because Masters still going to Corpus! What did they expect? He told everyone on day shift what He’s doing. So now they’re threatening to take the load off of us. Needless to say He’s pissed. It took Him all day to get that load and now there going to take it?! Night crew usually does the bare minimum just enough to skate through. Only now they decide to be ambitious? Bra-Freaking-Vo! >.<

I just finished reading the first 3 books in the Inheritance cycle.. (eragon books) They were really great! I can’t wait for the last and final book to come out. I couldn’t put them down. They were everything a reader (like moi) could hope for in a series. They began where the last one ended, leaving no gaps for you to figure out what went down. Right now Master is reading the first one. So far so good. I hope He really enjoys them.

His boots are done, my little self-esteem is crashing so it must be bedtime!

Master’s B-day

Have you ever worked so hard your whole body shakes? The last two days have been like that. Non-stop constantly working. I haven’t done this much work in over a year!

Three days ago, Master turned in his truck. He finally walked away. I wish we could have had one last scene in it, but T was going to pick us up. At first the plan was W would do it the next day. He had the day off so it would have worked out. R decided to do it that day while W was still at work.

So for the last two days this poor slave has been moving and cleaning while doing laundry. My whole body is protesting. But what was I going to do? Tell R no? I’ll get right on that… When hell freezes! I won’t be able to live here forever. I cant do it. I need a place that’s mine so I don’t get interrupted while doing my things to do other peoples things. I feel like I have 2 owners. Master and R.

Even though she is a slave driver, she is rather nice. Bossy, but nice. She is doing so much for us. It’s why I can’t say no. It would be wrong! Her and W are providing everything for us, And I do mean everything. For 60 days we don’t have to pay anything. Then we will only have to pay $150 a week. Basically we will pay rent while they pay everything else.

Tonight they are taking us to dinner for Masters B-Day. He will like it.. At least I hope he does. 🙂 He is in the shower now. Then I will take one and we will go.

His sore slave